I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
