just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
