Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
