i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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