Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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