I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
