I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
