don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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