Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
