i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
