I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
