I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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