Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
