does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
