lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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