They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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