we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
