JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
third nipple confirmed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
