Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
