porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
