I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
