how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
