i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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