It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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