If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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