Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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