no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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