he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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