party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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