if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize