Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
