she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
