Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
