Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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