At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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