Jerry, you need to find god
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
