I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think we might need a safe word for this...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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