peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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