i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
