I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
