i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
