Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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