My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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