you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
