is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So apparently I’m into choking now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
