Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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