Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
