My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
