He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
