fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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