I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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