look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
