I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
