Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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