I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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