wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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