Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
