I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
