we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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