If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
