I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pants are for mortals
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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