They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
