As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
