What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
